we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
