When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
do nipples grow back?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
