i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
