its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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