that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
