I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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