Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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