my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
