1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
