i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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