my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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