In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
