This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
