Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
