I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
