i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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