break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
