I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
