Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
