We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
