Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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