I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
