That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
