went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
