my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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