HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
