what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
