She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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