Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm both gender and math confused
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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