Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
