I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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