In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
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you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives