sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
