For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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