walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
