She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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