how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
