dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
