so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
