I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
