I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
