I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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