I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
