i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
