Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
