did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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