He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
