I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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