so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
