Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Found the puke drawer
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
