when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
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I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize