i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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