Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
