Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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