Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
