I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
