I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
