If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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