from now on my penis is your penis
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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