Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
