Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
