Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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