one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
